How The Clippers Can Get Revenge On Donald Sterling

 

It’s somehow been the biggest story of the week; that the very old, very rich, very entitled Donald Sterling was caught on tape making racist comments. The fact is, Sterling has a long history of making racist, sexist, and downright vitriolic comments (and if you’re interested this Deadspin timeline sums it up nicely).

The outcry has been abundant, from rappers and talking heads [TNT, Keith Olbermann] to players (more on LeBron later), former players and coaches to other owners [Charlotte Bobcats’ Michael Jordan, Houston Rockets’ Leslie Alexander], to “his” team, his wife and even the President of the United States.

Today NBA commissioner Adam Silver levied down the league’s punishment: a lifetime ban from the NBA, an NBA maximum fine of $2.5 million and asking the Board of Governors to force Sterling to sell the Clippers. While I commend Silver and the league for handing down what seems to be the stiffest punishment in their power, it still doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel just. Sterling bought the team for $12.5 million in 1981, and with the team valued at $575 million in January by Forbes, walking away with a profit north of $562.5 million (assuming the team’s valuation hasn’t changed) doesn’t seem like much a satisfying comeuppance.

Many have made suggestions; some have called for a player boycott. Others for a fan boycott. But neither of those really punish Sterling. In fact, the only people that would punish are the players and the fans. The players shouldn’t have to give up their chance to play for a championship and the fans shouldn’t have to sacrifice the experience. And therein lies our answer. The best way to stick it to Sterling is simple: it’s win.

Win the NBA championship. Make confetti angels on floor in Miami. Hoist the Larry O’Brien trophy. Have an championship parade in sunny LA. While Donald Sterling watches it all unfold on his TV. Don’t tell him; show him that you don’t need him and you never needed him. Then after he dies his wife can sell the team to Magic Johnson. The end.

Quick tangent on LeBron: I don’t understand anyone that still doesn’t like him. Here’s someone who really understands the magnitude of his celebrity and uses it in a positive way. It was him along with Dwyane Wade who organized the Heat’s protest of the death of Trayvon Martin and it’s LeBron voicing his opinion now. It’s nice to see the man with the biggest voice in basketball using his to take a stand on important issues.

It’s OK To Root For The Miami Heat

That’s right, you heard me read me. I like the Miami Heat. But a lot of people don’t – in fact, I think a lot of people hate the Heat. But I don’t get why. And by that I mean I hear the reasons, but they don’t make sense.

Is it the Big Three?
The “welcome party”. I get it. Maybe you don’t like that three superstars “teamed up” to play in South Beach. But just in case you don’t remember – Miami’s record the year before LeBron and Bosh arrived the Heat went 47-35, good for a 5 seed in the playoffs and got bounced from the first round of the playoff by the Celtics. Their “Big Three” that season? Dwyane Wade, Michael Beasley and Jermaine O’Neal. Their record two years before that? 15-67. There’s nothing wrong with needing help.

Is it the rest of the team?
So, you hate a group of players who take pride in playing their roles and overachieve when the team needs them to? Oh, okay.

Is it Chris Bosh?
Chris Bosh is so easy to make fun of that I’m writing in support of him and even I couldn’t resist taking shots at him. Bosh gets shit on so regularly that’s he’s become an underdog even though he was an All-Star this year.

Is it Dwyane Wade?
After his divorce in 2010, Wade fought for and won sole custody of his two sons in 2011, and still pays his ex-wife a reported $25K/month in addition to her living and travel expenses (estimated $10K/month) and a $1M lump sum. Wade seems to genuinely care a lot about being a father, which is admirable beyond what he does on the court.

Is it LeBron James?
The Decision. Yea, that was bad. He made a mistake and admitted it, get over it. I don’t understand how he isn’t liked. Think he’s a bad guy? He’s never gotten in trouble with the law. His manager is his childhood best friend. He had a kid with his girlfriend in high school; Savannah Brinson is now his fiance and they’ve had their second child together. His talent and work ethic make him the most gifted athlete in the world. He’s never shown up out of shape, never takes games off and looks to get his teammates involved before he gets himself going. He’s the kind of player that should make you tell your kid, “look, that’s how you’re supposed to play the game.”

Long live the King.

Space Jam 2??!??!

There are currently no plans to make a sequel to Space Jam, but a recent tweet has had the internet buzzing and its rumored it may have studio execs thinking:

RT @Parletoo: @KingJames do you love space Jam ?(I love that movie. Wish I could do Space Jam 2!)

— LeBron James (@KingJames) August 26, 2012

Sooooo, this sounds like a horrible idea. Space Jam is sacred. It was perfect. It must not be touched. To sequel this movie would be a sin punishable only by the wrath of Jesus, MJ and Tim Tebow.

But hold on, back it up. On second thought, doesn’t this sound like a great idea?

Warner Bros. must love this. Space Jam grossed over $230 million since it released in 1996, making it a financial success, especially for its time. The Looney Tunes’ next major motion picture, 2003’s Looney Tunes: Back In Action, was a financial flop, making less than $69 million. But that was probably because they replaced Michael Jordan with Brendan Fraser. Seeing the warm reception The Muppets got last year, now may be the time for the the Looney Tunes to make their comeback. And this is all before we even consider the marketing and merchandising opportunities. I think there’s at least a few hundred million reasons they have to green light this.

At the time, Michael Jordan was the best and most popular player on the planet, and with the exception of Cleveland and the small group of people that are still irrationally upset at him, the same is true for LeBron. REMAIN CALM. Take deep breaths and count backwards from 10; I’m not saying LeBron is as good as Jordan. Just that he’s the best since Mike. Don’t think so? He’s on a roll, winning an NBA championship, finals MVP, league MVP and an Olympic gold medal in the same year. Want to take a guess who the only other player to do that was? Besides, Kevin Durant just starred in Thunderstruck, I think America is ready for the continuation of Space Jam.

So, now that we all agree that Space Jam 2 needs to happen, who would fill out the rest of the cast?

1996: Michael Jordan

2012: LeBron James

1996: Wayne Knight

2012: Kevin Hart

Stan Podolak gets an upgrade in star power. Kevin can play just as neurotic, but he’s genuinely funnier. It’s an easy fit – Kevin knows Dwyane Wade well from their Jordan ads together, not to mention LeBron is already a fan of his.

1996: Theresa Randle

2012: Gabrielle Union

DWade’s girl gets in without a reading. It’s not always what you know, it’s who you know.

1996: Larry Johnson, Patrick Ewing, Shawn Bradley, Charles Barkley and Muggsy Bogues

2012: Carmelo Anthony, Tyson Chandler, Dirk Nowitzki, James Harden, Chris Paul

Anyone out there hating on ‘Melo, peep the left shoulder. In.

Tyson Chandler doesn’t get enough love! He’s defense first and an athletic freak. Not to mention he might be the best dressed athlete in NYC, but doesn’t get the recognition he deserves. Besides, you know Dwight would be all about trying to steal the spotlight.

Dirk Nowitzki = affirmative action.

Chuck had the ‘stache, James has the beard.

I actually really liked Steve Nash for the last spot, but see Nowitzki, Dirk. Besides, Chris was the MVP of this Olympics. And who did he do it for? the good old U-S of A, that’s right. This man is an American hero and deserves to be put in a movie of this caliber.

1996: Bill Murray

2012: Bill Murray

Come on, you didn’t really think anyone could replace Bill Murray, right? Right? Look, he’s still got it. He’s a dual sport athlete, so it goes Prime Time, Bo, and then Bill Murray.

1996: R. Kelly

2012: Justin Bieber

Who else could be tapped to be the songbird of our generation than the songbird of our generation? #IBeliebICanFly

Sooooooo, now, do you really not want this movie to happen?

“Sorry ‘Bron, I’ve Got Curfew.” Meet The Future Mrs. James

We’ve all been there. You’re fly head-to-toe, you’ve got a fresh haircut and you just won an NBA championship got that new promotion. You’re on cloud nine, confidence couldn’t be any higher. And it shows. Women are drawn to your magnetism; none can resist you. And then you get completely. Shot. Down. It happens to everyone, even LeBron.

So USA Basketball was taking a tour of the Olympic Village, since they don’t stay there, and were hanging out with the swimmers. Later in the evening LeBron asked Lauren to join him for a meal at the dining hall, the dining hall, but Lauren declined because it was past her curfew. Even though we call know what goes on in the Olympic Village, so I may be wrong, but I think it’s safe to say what most likely happened was a group of them were going to the dining hall to eat and LeBron asked her to come with. And why wouldn’t he? He’s a nice guy, and a quick google image search shows that she’s a fox. Perdue even acknowledged he was halfway joking, so clearly this got blown out of proportion. Buuuuttttttt… to anyone who’s seen Love & Basketball, does this not sound like a BIG deja vu? If it doesn’t, I’ll tell you what happens next in their relationship.

Quincy and Monica’s LeBron and Lauren’s budding relationship, sadly, will be come to an end, with LeBron breaking it off and moving on because he’s not getting the attention he wants from Lauren. They’ll grow apart, with Lauren moving to Barcelona while LeBron plays in the NBA, until a career ending injury coincides with her move back home. She’ll go to visit him in the hospital, but she’ll be heartbroken when she finds out he’s engaged, but that same heartbreak will make her realize that she’s still in love with him. One night, close to LeBron’s wedding date, Lauren will knock on his window with an ultimatum: one last game of one on one, but this time, for his heart.

No spoiler alert, you’re just going to have to wait.

These Boys Are Ready

Look at my boy Anthony Davis, “The Brow”. It’s a cold world baby. And it’s an especially cold world when you’re 6’10” and only weigh 225 pounds.

Look at LeBron. No, he doesn’t need music blasting through his “Beats by Dre” headphones. His rap the night the Heat won the Finals is playing on an endless loop in his head. Did I just go buy a sleeping mask? Maybe, I’m not telling.

Chris Paul is all hugged up with a pillow, because the basketball he WAS sleeping with just wasn’t comfortable enough. But best believe he’s still dreaming of alley-oops to Tyson Chandler, hesitation dribbles and step back jumpers.

Russ West! Bucking the trend: “Your complimentary ‘Beats by Dre’ headphones Mr. Westbrook.”
“Nah, I’m good, these headphones that came with my iPhone.”

“Your complimentary sleeping mask Mr. Westbrook.”
“Nah, I’m good, I’ve got these ‘Eazy E’ shades.”

James Harden isn’t actually sleeping; he’s meditating, listening to the internal sound of his beard growing.

Oh yea. These boys are ready.

Fake Tough Guys: Your 2011-2012 Indiana Pacers

From an early age, I learned that shit talking was more than just a skill, it was a gift, born naturally to me. I was always wittier than others, and I when I felt like I was being intimidated I would use that wit to tease, embarrass and frustrate. Here’s the thing, sometimes when you act tough, people want to see how tough you are. And that brings us to this year’s Indiana Pacers!

Heat – Pacers has been an intense, back and forth series, but I wouldn’t say it got physical until last night. Here’s how fake tough guy Danny Granger helped it get there:

Confronting LeBron James in Game 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlbZu4ffGv0

 Confronting Dwyane Wade in Game 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zG7N8j5yHk

Boxing weigh in stare downs, trash talking, all more annoying then maddening. Until Tyler Hansbrough decided to get in on the action.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hkQx5Dk8jA

He doesn’t make a play on the ball, and Udonis Haslem doesn’t either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBHxTfaHB-c

And guess what? Neither does Dexter Pittman.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVe4wibmm3Y

Mr. Granger, you’re not tough. Your team’s not tough. I know it, you know it, the Heat know it, even Larry Bird knows it.

“Are you out here to play basketball or are you out here to be a tough guy,” asked Dwyane Wade before the game. Obviously neither, since the Pacers lost the game 83-115. Maybe turn the toughness dial up from “Charmin Ultra” for game six.